everyday is a new beginning.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

you can't blame me for not believing in it.
i tried to.
but all it did was to make things worse.
if this time this thing goes wrong again.
i might never believe in it anymore
am i thinking too much.
maybe things are really okay.
but somehow i feel something is wrong.
something is different.
and i know what exactly is it.
some may take it for granted. some may treasure it.
i dun want a repeat of the past.
i feel like saying out how i feel.
i feel like asking you many things.
but i dun want to make you feel worse.
i know you are feeling rather troubled over some things too.
that's not the way it should goes, i know.
i always go to a extent to things for the other one. out of my range. i changed things and plans all for it. but i always get the same result. is this my fate. or am i just too lousy for all of them.
the past experiences are still deep in my mind. can't get it out.
it has already became a phobia.
I'm afraid to do things, afraid to ask. because I'm scared of rejection. scared of feeling hurt.
anyway, i doubt anyone knows what I'm talking about. because i don't want them to know. and no one will understand anyway.
because i keep many things to myself. i don;t have the habit of saying things out.
things that i say out are those that make me sad and worried.
and things that i don't say out are those that can break me to pieces.
i thought i would be happier.
you brought me and led me away from one.
and what i thought was once impossible became a reality.
i cleared my mind and believed i will be happy. and i was.
was.
but after some reassurance, i know WAS will soon be back to AM.
now i tell myself that this 'rain' will be over soon
and the sun will shine once again.
show me the rainbow, will you?

i want to cycle :(
i don't want to study.
whats the point of studying anyway.
its just a waste of time.
why can't one enjoys life the way he/she wants.

imissyou.
thehottearsandtheswolleneyes

11:45 PM